Overwhelmed

I'm overwhelmed right now. Overwhelmed at having to look for a real world job that is very possibly going to take me away from my family and everything I've ever known. Overwhelmed at having someone who cares about me so much. At the idea of loving someone so much it hurts. Overwhelmed at family situations that I have no control over - the idea that the structure of my family could change very soon. Most of all, I'm overwhelmed at my Father's love for me. His compassion, His forgiveness, His grace, His mercy. It swallows me, it takes a hold of me and pulls me out of everything I'm sinking in. It protects me. And I'm so very thankful. What would I be without it? Nothing. I am nothing without His love, His grace, His forgiveness, His mercy, His gift of salvation. What a wonderful peace there is here! I love you Lord. Thank you for overwhelming me.

Augustine

I recently began reading Confessions of Saint Augustine. This guy was amazing. I've only just begun and already I can tell his heart was set on God. He was constantly digging deeper into Christ and his purpose for this Earth. A recent quote from his book that really stuck out to me is this:
"What, then, is my God? What, i ask, except the Lord God? For who is Lord but the Lord? Or who is God save our god? O highest and best, most powerful, most all-powerful, most merciful and most just, most deeply hidden and most nearly present, most beautiful and most strong, constant yet incomprehensible, changless, yet changing all things, never new, never old, making all things new; bringing the proud to decay and they know it not; always acting and always at rest, still gathering yet never wanting; upholding, filling and protecting, creating, nourishing and bringing to perfection; seeking, although in need of nothing. you love, but with no storm of passion; you are jealous, but with no anxious fear; you repend, but do not grieve; in you anger calm; you change your works, but never change your plan; you take back what you find and yet have never lost; never in need, you are yet glad of gain; never greedy, yet still demanding profit on your loans; to be paid in excess, so that you may be the debtor, and yet who has anything which is not yours?...And in this what have I said, my God, my Life, my holy sweetness? What does any man succeed in saying when he attempts to speak of you? Yet woe to those who do not speak of you at all, when those who speak most say nothing."

When I got done reading these words, all I could do is say "wow." This guy succeeded in expressing the greatness of our God. Yet, he admits that even in that long description, he has not truly accomplished anything. No one can comprehend, grasp, or express how wonderful our Saviour is. Our brains just simply cannot comprehend it. God is perfect. Our human brains cannot fathom such perfection. How unworthy am I to have the love of this perfect God! I am nothing. I am a simple human who constantly messes up in this life. Yet, God made me...He knows me in and out...and loves me more than I can imagine. There's nothing I can say that can capture how that makes me feel; that can capture my love for my merciful Saviour.

Nailed to the Cross

"Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there." Galations 5:24

Lord, you know my nature. You know my heart and soul better than anyone, even myself. I thank you for the cross. I thank you for giving me that stronghold to go to, to rid myself of my wordly sins. I pray that I would daily fall to my knees before the cross. I pray that I never forget the power of the cross or the power of your grace, mercy, and forgiveness. I desire to come broken to you every single day...only you can make me whole, only you can heal my heart.

despair

Save me, O God! For the waters have come up to my neck.
I sink in deep mire, where there is no foothold;
I have come into deep waters, and the flood sweeps overs me.
I am weary with my crying out; my throat is parched.
My eyes grow dim with waiting for my God...
...Answer me, O Lord, for your steadfast love is good;
according to your abundant mercy, turn to me.
Hide not your face from your servant; for I am in distress; make haste to answer me.
draw near to my soul, redeem me...

I continue to cry out to God...I continue to cry...every night, day, every waking moment. I want to have peace. Am I looking in the wrong place? Am I overlooking it, overanaylzing it? I just want to know. Did I lose it forever? I am fully aware of what I had...how rare and beautiful it was. I'm so lost. My heart is torn, broken into a million pieces. I'm not whole. Please Lord, save me...show me...help me.

Broken for You

2 Corinthians 4:7-12
"But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to dispair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of jesus, so that the life of jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death of Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So death is at work in us, but life in you."

Tonight I've been challenged with the idea of brokenness. As anyone else, in my life, i've experienced good times and bad. I've had quite a few times of complete dispair where I wasn't sure how I was going to make it. This is one way to define brokenness. Broken by circumstance. I let the circumstances and issues of life take hold of me and affect me to the point of completely breaking me down. I don't rely on Christ enough to keep me together and keep me strong during those times. I pray that I can always give my circumstances to God and trust him to take care of them and me. He won't give me anything that I can't handle. Then there are the good times, when I feel completely whole and like nothing could bring me down. But I've found that it's during these times when I am furthest from God. I tend to forget that I need him and that He is the reason for everything good in my life. My prayer for this is that I always realize my need for Him and the blessings He has given me. I don't want to take any credit for what He has done in my life and take away the light from Him. The point that I want to strive for on a daily basis is brokenness for Christ. It's the point of being broken in the sense that without Christ, I am not whole. I am broken without him holding me together. BUT, I don't want to be whole enough that I forget my need for Him. I want to let His light shine through my cracks and holes. He completes me. I am nothing without Him. He is my strength, my pillar, everything that holds me together. And I want everyone around me to be able to recognize that He is just that. I want them to look at me and see nothing but Christ's light shining through.

2 Corinthians 4:18 "So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day."

All I need is You

Over the past few days, I have been blessed with the opportunity to help build a house for a poverty-stricken family in Tennessee. They came home from a custody battle for their grandaughter to find their home burning to the ground. This town that my group was in, Copperhill, TN, is going down fast in this terrible economy. I spoke with a guy who told me that the only stability in their town is for those with state jobs. Everyone else is going bankrupt and losing everything. He said that the poverty level is considered to be $34,000 for a family of 4, yet he said that if anyone there made that much they would be overjoyed and think that they could take a vacation. Him and his family of 4 live off of $23,000 a year - they live off of his wife's job (which is a state one). His job? He is a youth minister at a local church..for free. He and his wife have been down an amazing journey, starting with having their first child when she was 16 and him 18. They were both convicted a few years ago and became believers. He knew that God was calling him to be a minister to the youth of his hometown, even if it meant barely getting by. This conversation really touched me and left me thinking. Every single person in this town has absolutely nothing according to the world's standards. They live in shacks and have rickety old cars that barely go if they go at all. They don't have fancy clothes, they don't even have a store to get fancy clothes from. They have their family and friends and a place that may keep them dry at night. Yet this man that I came in contact with never complained once about what he didn't have - instead he praised the Lord for what he did have, and the opportunity to spend time with us and to serve with us. I pray that I will always remember the people of this town and their dedication for serving others when they themselves need serving. I pray that I will always be thankful for what I have and never look at what I don't have...that I never take anything for granted.
Matthew 6:19-21
"Do not lay up for yoruselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yoruselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
I pray that my treasure will always be my God. I pray that I will always put Him first and remember that everything I need, he will provide me with - I can take nothing with me to the grave, but I will see my precious savior in Heaven one day and that's all that matters. I pray that I will have the strength and courage to continually add to His kingdom so that they too will be able to rejoice with me on that day for everything He has given us.

what matters most

Love is not proud,

Love does not boast.

Love after all ,

Matters the most.

Love does not run,

Love does not hide.

Love does not keep,

Locked inside.

Love is the river that flows through,

Love never fails you.

Love will sustain,

Love will provide.

Love will not cease,

At the end of time.

Love will protect,

Love always hopes.

Love still believes,

When you don’t.

Love is the arms that are holding you.

Love never fails you.

When my heart won’t make a sound,

When I can’t turn back around,

When the sky is falling down,

Nothing is greater than this.

Greater than this.

Love is right here,

Love is alive,

Love is the way,

The truth, the life.

Love is the river that flows through.

Love is the arms that are holding you.

Love is the place you will fly to.

Love never fails you.





This song by Brandon Heath is a personal favorite of mine. To me, it gives a portrait of both love between a man and woman, and between God and man. Being a girl, love is, of course, a favorite topic of mine. But lately, I have been able to see it more deeply.

Love began with God. First off, He loved us enough to create us; He didn't just stop there...He created us in His image. He wanted us to be wonderfully and fearfully made. I love to make things. Being able to stand back and see what you've accomplished is a great feeling. When I have a project, I try to put my all into it and not just go halfway. That way, when I'm done, I know I did my best and that I put my heart and soul into it. God loves us so much that He put His everything into designing us...He did the best job possible and created us in His image - the best we could possibly be. How wonderful of a thing to reflect upon!

Lyrics really speak to me. Some more lyrics that I heard recently are:
"If I could just sit with you a while, If you could just hold me. Moment by moment, til forever passes by."

For me, these words portray love. I desire to spend time with and be held by someone I love. I think of 3 types of love here. First off, the love between family/friends. Someone I love dearly and will always think of on a daily basis is my great aunt Emmy, whom I was named after. In the past few years, we spent a lot of time together. I would take her somewhere about every other day. She could drive, she just prefered for me to chauffer her around. =) And as inconvenient as it was sometimes(or so I thought at the time), I wouldn't trade that time for anything in the world. In October of 2007, she was in an automobile accident and suffered major injuries that eventually lead to her passing away. When I read these lyrics, I think of her. What I wouldn't give to be able to sit with her again and just have a random conversation about Eli Manning (a personal favorite of hers). Or to have one more embrace, one more famous knee pat with an "I love you." I can't wait for the day when I can spend forever in Heaven by her side.

A second type of love I think of from these lyrics is that between a man and woman. How special is the embrace of the one you love and want to spend your time here on Earth with! How amazing it is to waste the day away just sitting and talking to them.

Both of these types of love are possible, and stem from the third type of love - that between Christ and man. It's the ultimate romance; the perfect love. It's the embrace of Christ that holds me together when I can't stand to face the day. How I look forward to the day when I can sit at His feet and worship Him face to face! Because of His love for me, I am so blessed to be able to experience love here on Earth through relationships with people.

I pray that I can express love to everyone around me so that they may be lead to the ultimate romance with Christ.