Overwhelmed

I'm overwhelmed right now. Overwhelmed at having to look for a real world job that is very possibly going to take me away from my family and everything I've ever known. Overwhelmed at having someone who cares about me so much. At the idea of loving someone so much it hurts. Overwhelmed at family situations that I have no control over - the idea that the structure of my family could change very soon. Most of all, I'm overwhelmed at my Father's love for me. His compassion, His forgiveness, His grace, His mercy. It swallows me, it takes a hold of me and pulls me out of everything I'm sinking in. It protects me. And I'm so very thankful. What would I be without it? Nothing. I am nothing without His love, His grace, His forgiveness, His mercy, His gift of salvation. What a wonderful peace there is here! I love you Lord. Thank you for overwhelming me.

Augustine

I recently began reading Confessions of Saint Augustine. This guy was amazing. I've only just begun and already I can tell his heart was set on God. He was constantly digging deeper into Christ and his purpose for this Earth. A recent quote from his book that really stuck out to me is this:
"What, then, is my God? What, i ask, except the Lord God? For who is Lord but the Lord? Or who is God save our god? O highest and best, most powerful, most all-powerful, most merciful and most just, most deeply hidden and most nearly present, most beautiful and most strong, constant yet incomprehensible, changless, yet changing all things, never new, never old, making all things new; bringing the proud to decay and they know it not; always acting and always at rest, still gathering yet never wanting; upholding, filling and protecting, creating, nourishing and bringing to perfection; seeking, although in need of nothing. you love, but with no storm of passion; you are jealous, but with no anxious fear; you repend, but do not grieve; in you anger calm; you change your works, but never change your plan; you take back what you find and yet have never lost; never in need, you are yet glad of gain; never greedy, yet still demanding profit on your loans; to be paid in excess, so that you may be the debtor, and yet who has anything which is not yours?...And in this what have I said, my God, my Life, my holy sweetness? What does any man succeed in saying when he attempts to speak of you? Yet woe to those who do not speak of you at all, when those who speak most say nothing."

When I got done reading these words, all I could do is say "wow." This guy succeeded in expressing the greatness of our God. Yet, he admits that even in that long description, he has not truly accomplished anything. No one can comprehend, grasp, or express how wonderful our Saviour is. Our brains just simply cannot comprehend it. God is perfect. Our human brains cannot fathom such perfection. How unworthy am I to have the love of this perfect God! I am nothing. I am a simple human who constantly messes up in this life. Yet, God made me...He knows me in and out...and loves me more than I can imagine. There's nothing I can say that can capture how that makes me feel; that can capture my love for my merciful Saviour.

Nailed to the Cross

"Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there." Galations 5:24

Lord, you know my nature. You know my heart and soul better than anyone, even myself. I thank you for the cross. I thank you for giving me that stronghold to go to, to rid myself of my wordly sins. I pray that I would daily fall to my knees before the cross. I pray that I never forget the power of the cross or the power of your grace, mercy, and forgiveness. I desire to come broken to you every single day...only you can make me whole, only you can heal my heart.

despair

Save me, O God! For the waters have come up to my neck.
I sink in deep mire, where there is no foothold;
I have come into deep waters, and the flood sweeps overs me.
I am weary with my crying out; my throat is parched.
My eyes grow dim with waiting for my God...
...Answer me, O Lord, for your steadfast love is good;
according to your abundant mercy, turn to me.
Hide not your face from your servant; for I am in distress; make haste to answer me.
draw near to my soul, redeem me...

I continue to cry out to God...I continue to cry...every night, day, every waking moment. I want to have peace. Am I looking in the wrong place? Am I overlooking it, overanaylzing it? I just want to know. Did I lose it forever? I am fully aware of what I had...how rare and beautiful it was. I'm so lost. My heart is torn, broken into a million pieces. I'm not whole. Please Lord, save me...show me...help me.

Broken for You

2 Corinthians 4:7-12
"But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to dispair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of jesus, so that the life of jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death of Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So death is at work in us, but life in you."

Tonight I've been challenged with the idea of brokenness. As anyone else, in my life, i've experienced good times and bad. I've had quite a few times of complete dispair where I wasn't sure how I was going to make it. This is one way to define brokenness. Broken by circumstance. I let the circumstances and issues of life take hold of me and affect me to the point of completely breaking me down. I don't rely on Christ enough to keep me together and keep me strong during those times. I pray that I can always give my circumstances to God and trust him to take care of them and me. He won't give me anything that I can't handle. Then there are the good times, when I feel completely whole and like nothing could bring me down. But I've found that it's during these times when I am furthest from God. I tend to forget that I need him and that He is the reason for everything good in my life. My prayer for this is that I always realize my need for Him and the blessings He has given me. I don't want to take any credit for what He has done in my life and take away the light from Him. The point that I want to strive for on a daily basis is brokenness for Christ. It's the point of being broken in the sense that without Christ, I am not whole. I am broken without him holding me together. BUT, I don't want to be whole enough that I forget my need for Him. I want to let His light shine through my cracks and holes. He completes me. I am nothing without Him. He is my strength, my pillar, everything that holds me together. And I want everyone around me to be able to recognize that He is just that. I want them to look at me and see nothing but Christ's light shining through.

2 Corinthians 4:18 "So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day."

All I need is You

Over the past few days, I have been blessed with the opportunity to help build a house for a poverty-stricken family in Tennessee. They came home from a custody battle for their grandaughter to find their home burning to the ground. This town that my group was in, Copperhill, TN, is going down fast in this terrible economy. I spoke with a guy who told me that the only stability in their town is for those with state jobs. Everyone else is going bankrupt and losing everything. He said that the poverty level is considered to be $34,000 for a family of 4, yet he said that if anyone there made that much they would be overjoyed and think that they could take a vacation. Him and his family of 4 live off of $23,000 a year - they live off of his wife's job (which is a state one). His job? He is a youth minister at a local church..for free. He and his wife have been down an amazing journey, starting with having their first child when she was 16 and him 18. They were both convicted a few years ago and became believers. He knew that God was calling him to be a minister to the youth of his hometown, even if it meant barely getting by. This conversation really touched me and left me thinking. Every single person in this town has absolutely nothing according to the world's standards. They live in shacks and have rickety old cars that barely go if they go at all. They don't have fancy clothes, they don't even have a store to get fancy clothes from. They have their family and friends and a place that may keep them dry at night. Yet this man that I came in contact with never complained once about what he didn't have - instead he praised the Lord for what he did have, and the opportunity to spend time with us and to serve with us. I pray that I will always remember the people of this town and their dedication for serving others when they themselves need serving. I pray that I will always be thankful for what I have and never look at what I don't have...that I never take anything for granted.
Matthew 6:19-21
"Do not lay up for yoruselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yoruselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
I pray that my treasure will always be my God. I pray that I will always put Him first and remember that everything I need, he will provide me with - I can take nothing with me to the grave, but I will see my precious savior in Heaven one day and that's all that matters. I pray that I will have the strength and courage to continually add to His kingdom so that they too will be able to rejoice with me on that day for everything He has given us.

what matters most

Love is not proud,

Love does not boast.

Love after all ,

Matters the most.

Love does not run,

Love does not hide.

Love does not keep,

Locked inside.

Love is the river that flows through,

Love never fails you.

Love will sustain,

Love will provide.

Love will not cease,

At the end of time.

Love will protect,

Love always hopes.

Love still believes,

When you don’t.

Love is the arms that are holding you.

Love never fails you.

When my heart won’t make a sound,

When I can’t turn back around,

When the sky is falling down,

Nothing is greater than this.

Greater than this.

Love is right here,

Love is alive,

Love is the way,

The truth, the life.

Love is the river that flows through.

Love is the arms that are holding you.

Love is the place you will fly to.

Love never fails you.





This song by Brandon Heath is a personal favorite of mine. To me, it gives a portrait of both love between a man and woman, and between God and man. Being a girl, love is, of course, a favorite topic of mine. But lately, I have been able to see it more deeply.

Love began with God. First off, He loved us enough to create us; He didn't just stop there...He created us in His image. He wanted us to be wonderfully and fearfully made. I love to make things. Being able to stand back and see what you've accomplished is a great feeling. When I have a project, I try to put my all into it and not just go halfway. That way, when I'm done, I know I did my best and that I put my heart and soul into it. God loves us so much that He put His everything into designing us...He did the best job possible and created us in His image - the best we could possibly be. How wonderful of a thing to reflect upon!

Lyrics really speak to me. Some more lyrics that I heard recently are:
"If I could just sit with you a while, If you could just hold me. Moment by moment, til forever passes by."

For me, these words portray love. I desire to spend time with and be held by someone I love. I think of 3 types of love here. First off, the love between family/friends. Someone I love dearly and will always think of on a daily basis is my great aunt Emmy, whom I was named after. In the past few years, we spent a lot of time together. I would take her somewhere about every other day. She could drive, she just prefered for me to chauffer her around. =) And as inconvenient as it was sometimes(or so I thought at the time), I wouldn't trade that time for anything in the world. In October of 2007, she was in an automobile accident and suffered major injuries that eventually lead to her passing away. When I read these lyrics, I think of her. What I wouldn't give to be able to sit with her again and just have a random conversation about Eli Manning (a personal favorite of hers). Or to have one more embrace, one more famous knee pat with an "I love you." I can't wait for the day when I can spend forever in Heaven by her side.

A second type of love I think of from these lyrics is that between a man and woman. How special is the embrace of the one you love and want to spend your time here on Earth with! How amazing it is to waste the day away just sitting and talking to them.

Both of these types of love are possible, and stem from the third type of love - that between Christ and man. It's the ultimate romance; the perfect love. It's the embrace of Christ that holds me together when I can't stand to face the day. How I look forward to the day when I can sit at His feet and worship Him face to face! Because of His love for me, I am so blessed to be able to experience love here on Earth through relationships with people.

I pray that I can express love to everyone around me so that they may be lead to the ultimate romance with Christ.

the most important thing

I feel like sharing the sermon I heard at church this morning. It really spoke volumes to me. It was all based on Acts 1:8...
"But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you. And you will be my witnesses, telling people about me everywhere - in Jerusalem, throughout Judea, in Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."

As follower of Christ, the most important thing we are called to do is to make disciples. Matthew 28:19 says "Go therefore and make disciples..."

The first point of the sermon was Ordination. By definition, this term means "to invest with ministerial powers." The first part of verse 8 says "you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you." This is a power that only God can give. It is a power that cannot be contained. According to the Word, every Christian as been ordained to share the Gospel.
John 15:16 "...I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit.."
Matthew 5:13 says "you are the salt of the Earth" Salt serves many purposes. First of all, it gives flavor to things. Secondly, it preserves things. Most importantly to this message, salt creates a thirst. How many people have acquired a thirst for Christ because of me? Am I doing my job as salt of this Earth?

Point number 2 - Obligation. Middle part of verse 8 says "And you will be my witnesses..." We have obligations to first of all, our Lord and Savior. "..you will be MY witnesses.." Secondly, we have an obligation to the lost. Everywhere we go, there will be lost people...it is our obligation to them to share the love of Christ. How else will they ever know about Him and his wonderful gift?!

The last point is Operation. "in Jerusalem, throughout Judea, in Samaria, and to the ends of the earth." We should be making disciples first of all, locally...right where we are...the city we live in, the school we go to, the house we live in..."Jerusalem" Also, we need to reach out regionally (Judea), nationally (Samaria), and internationally (to the ends of the earth).

Acts 17:6 - this verse it talking about Paul and Silas - the people of the city were looking for Paul and Silas. They said "Paul and Silas have caused trouble all over the world and now they are here disturbing our city, too." Wow...the only thing these people could criticize these two men of is that they turned their world upside down for Jesus and now were trying to do the same to their city.

I pray that I could be such an influence for Christ, such a light to this world, that all that could be held against me is that I have disturbed someone's mundane lifestyle by making disciples out of people. What an honor to have that held against you! I also pray that I will not be dismayed when I encounter troubles and failures. This, so many times, is my downfall. I start letting it get to me when people turn Christ down after I have poured my heart out to them. I pray that God will keep me strong and help me press onward. In Ezekial 3, God appoints Ezekial as the watchman over Israel. He was to relay God's message to the people of Israel. God already knew that Ezekial would face hardships and people who wouldn't listen to what he said...God knows that not everyone we witness to will make the decision to follow Him, but He isn't judging us on how many people choose to listen to us and heed our warnings and how many people don't listen to us....He is simply telling us to do our job and TELL THEM! Ezekial 3:18-19 says "If I warn the wicked, saying, 'you are under the penalty of deah,' but you fail to deliver the warning, they will die in their sins. And I will hold you responsible for their deaths. If you warn them and they refuse to repend and keep on sinning, they will die in their sins. But you will have saved yourself because you obeyed me." How powerful these 2 verses are! I am held responsible for all of the lost souls that I encounter and do not reach out to! How many people am I responsible for already? How many people have died/will die lost sinnters because I didn't obey God's commandment to make disciples of them? I pray that each and every day I will keep this verse at the front of my mind so that it will help me to remember just how important these souls are to Christ. I do not want any more blood on my hands when I kneel before Christ's throne on that glorious day.

Not of this world

I am struggling on a daily basis with the image of myself that people see. I want them to see someone beautiful, funny, fun to be around, etc. I want the approval of the people around me...I want them to see in me someone worth being spending time with. And while relationships with people are important, I know I shouldn't be seeking my self-worth from their ideas and opinions about me. I am made in God's image and He loves me just the way I am...that is what my self-worth needs to be based on. That is the only thing that matters.

Genesis 1:27 "So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them..."

Psalm 139 talks about how God knows EVERYTHING about us...our innermost thoughts and our every move. Verses 13-14 state "You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous - how well I know it."

How much time God put into forming me as a person! How amazingly coordinated are all of our organs and systems! God made me...he invested, and continues to invest, time in me...he knew exactly what I would look like before I was even thought of. I am beautiful in His eyes! What a comfort to know that He, the Lord of the Universe, the one who created the heavens and the Earth, thinks I have worth in this world! That is all I need in this life. He wants to spend time with me, even though He already knows everything about me...how many people can I say that about?

I pray that I would constantly be reminded that my self-worth lies in Christ, the one who created me in His image, and loves me for who I am in Him and nothing else. I pray that I will not seek self-worth and approval of this world in things of this world.

1 John 2:15-16 "Do not love this world nor the things it offers you, for when you love the world, you do not have the love of the Father in you. For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father, but are from this world."

I pray that I will not let the things of this world take hold of me. I pray that, while I use my talents and achievements to glorify the Kingdom, I will not let them define me and give me my self-worth. All of these things will disappear, but my God, my Savior, my King, will remain forever and I will one day give all of my worldy possessions up to worship Him for eternity!

Along these same lines, the thought comes to my mind...not only did God create ME in his image, he created every human being in His image. Every human, no matter of my opinion of them, is seen as marvelous and wonderful in God's eyes. I pray that God will allow me to view others as He sees them, not through my human eyes full of deceit and judgement.

Fear of the Lord

"A woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Proverbs 31:30
For the past week, my study into becoming the "Proverbs 31 woman" has been focused on the quality of fearing the Lord. Many of the qualities listed in this passage were standard for this woman's time period and culture, but this quality of fearing the Lord is one that will remain standard for all time. Now, I don't know about you, but when I think of God, I like to think of my creator, my Father in heaven who will always love me more than I could ever even begin to fathom. He gave His son's life so that I might live!...knowing full and well that I would fail Him on a daily basis and am nowhere near worthy of His unfailing love and comfort and grace and compassion (the list goes on and on). Not exactly the type to be afraid of. I love my God who always has open arms and comforting words when I need them. However, fear and love must coexist in us before we can please and serve our God. New Unger's Bible Dictionary defines "fear of the Lord" as: dreads God's displeasure, desires God's favor, reveres God's holiness, submits cheerfully to God's will, is grateful for God's benefits, sincerely worships God, conscientiously obeys God's commandments. What helps me get a grasp on some of these qualities is thinking about my earthly father and the lengths I would go to just to know that he is proud of me and pleased with me. I respect him because of what a great man and father he is and hate it when he is disappointed in me. I am always afraid of failing him. As great as he is, how much greater is my heavenly Father?! and how much greater should my fear of disappointing Him be? He CREATED ME! He created everything! He holds the world in his hands...he has the power to heal, the power to forgive, the power to save! Why do I not shake when I approach Him to beg for forgiveness of the many times I fail Him? Why can we not grasp just how powerful and majestic and wonderful He is? How could I fail to think about this every day? This really bothers me that I could be so self-centered.

"The fear of the Lord - that is wisdom." Job 28:28
"Fear of the Lord is the foundation of true wisdom..." Psalms 111:10
"Fear of the Lord teaches wisdom..." Proverbs 15:33

I think maybe God is trying to make a point here.

"But be sure to fear the Lord and serve him faithfully with all your heart; consider what great things he has done for you" 1 Sam. 12:24

"He gave them these orders: 'You must serve faithfully and wholeheartedly in the fear of the Lord' " 2 Chronicles 19:9

Scripture abounds with benefits to those who fear the Lord - a promise to provide for, protect, give wisdom to, save, and love those who fear Him. Why would we not want all of these things? He so badly wants us to have them...

I pray that I can have the balance of love and fear of the Lord that I need to serve him wholeheartedly and faithfully in every way possible.

Acts 5:17-41

Acts 5:17-41 is a story about the apostles meeting opposition by the high priest. The priest put the apostles in jail, but during the night an angel let them out and told them to continue preaching the gospel in the Temple. The apostles did just this and once again were caught by the high priest. The apostles told the priest "We must obey God rather than any human authority." The apostles received a beating for refusing to quit preaching the gospel. Verse 41 states that "The apostles left the high council rejoicing that God had counted them worthy to suffer disgrace for the name of Jesus." wow.
I feel so unqualified for a job as important as preaching the word of God, yet this is exactly what he calls us as believers to do. Maybe not all of us are called to be "preachers" or "ministers" but each and every one of us are blessed with daily opportunities to multiply the Kingdom of God. My prayer is that I will have the heart that the apostles had - instead of complaining about being persecuted for simply doing what they were told, they rejoiced in the fact that God found them worthy enough in His eyes to perform such a duty! Christ trusts little ol' me enough to put this in my hands! How overwhelming, yet wonderful.

Shine Brightly for Christ

I have started this blog as a way to reflect on my walk with Christ. I find it more efficient to type rather than write. I recently found a friend's site and it inspired me and encouraged me when I was confused. Hopefully, this will also serve as encouragement to others in their times of need.

Lately, I have been burdened with the fact that I am not making the impact for the Kingdom of Christ that I should be making. It is my goal and passion that I will grow into who I need to be in Him. "For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases Him. Do everything without complaining and arguing, so that no one can criticize you. Live clean, innocent lives as children of God, shining like bright lights in a world full of crooed and perverse people. Hold firmly to the word of life..." Phillipians 13-16a This verse has strongly taken hold of my heart and transformed my mindset. Especially the "do everything without complaining and arguing." How many times do I grumble about doing what God calls me to do? I should be praising Him for trusting in me enough to give me such tasks! He is giving me opportunities to serve Him and to grow in Him! My prayer for my life, and every other Christian, is that we can filled with a passion to be a light for this world, and do so with a joyful heart, not one of complaints and dismay. This is our calling!

Another issue on my heart, as a young woman, is a desire to become the Proverbs 31 woman. What a task! I know that doing this will be a lifelong journey, but I hope to take that first step of understanding and truly knowing what it entails while I am young. I know that God has a wonderful "future husband" waiting for me, and I want my gift to him to be that I will be the virtuous woman God intends for me to be for God first, but also for him.

Proverbs 31: 10-30
"Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies. Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. She finds wool and flax and busily spins it. She is like a merchant's ship, bringing her food from afar. She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household and plan the day's work for her servant girls. She goes to inspect a field and buys it; with her earnings she plants a vineyard. She is energetic and strong, a hard worker. She makes sure her dealings are profitable; her lamp burns late into the night. Her hands are busy spinning thread, her fingers twisting fiber. She extends her helping hand to the poor and opens her arms to the needy. She has no fear of winter for her household, for everyone has warm clothes. She maeks her own bedspreads. She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns. Her husband is well known at the city gates, where he sits with the other civic leaders. She makes belted linen garments and sashes to sell to the merchants. She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindess. She carefully watches everything in her household, and suffers nothing from laziness. Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her: "There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!" Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last, but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised."